My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
