your thong is hanging out like whoa
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
