New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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