i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
