Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
