pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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