i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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