Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
