My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
