i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
