i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
