Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Blood and glitter go together right?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
this hospital has no fireball
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
