I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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