I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize