my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
