new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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