Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So many bounce houses so little time
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The air was thick with penises
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
