so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
