UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
