omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
