Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
