He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
id be glad to
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize