Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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