u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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