Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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