Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
