I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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