pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
