Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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