Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
