My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
