So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
