I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize