I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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