dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
