i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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