Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
