she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
