this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
