I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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