Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
