non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
