Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
