there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
