Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
