when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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