There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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