Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
