he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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