I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
