My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
