i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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