I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
