He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
