So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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