So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
