The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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