I can tuck mytits in my pants
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
