the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
