Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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