i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
