I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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