We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
