she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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