He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
