so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
