I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You work out of a Hotel?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize