new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
