I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
