I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she told me i tasted like america
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
