if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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