That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
