my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
