Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
