don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
