Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
