So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
