don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
