How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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