Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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