Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
