would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
