You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
