I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize