oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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