I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
