I don't think brook has ever known best
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize