I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
only if we run a train.
done.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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