So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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