I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
