I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Blood and glitter go together right?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
