just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize