Sponge bath it is.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
