I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
