ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
