i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
