my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
